Text That Goes Around:
There's a lot of text that gets copied and pasted throughout forums and pages and EC pages, and I decided that I should put it on this page. Feel free to take this stuff and post it wherever! =]
I'm Afraid of 6 out of 72 common fears- How about you?
What are you afraid of? The dark? Scary clowns? The girl you sit next to in class? Do the test and find out if you should get help from a shrink or if you're a completely normal fearing human.
I'm afraid of...
[] the dark (after a really scary film when no one else is home and a rapist was reported having attacked somebody that morning about 5 kilometers from my house, real situation)
[] staying single forever
[] being a parent
[] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others.
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] dogs
[] birds
[] fish
[] spiders
[] flowers or other plants
[] being touched
[x] fire
[] deep water
[] snakes
[] silk
[] the ocean
[x] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[] rats (I have them as pets!)
[x] jumping from high places
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] crossing hanging bridges
[] death
[] heaven
[] being robbed
[x] falling
[] clowns
[] dolls
[] large crowds of people
[] men
[] women
[] having great responsibilities
[] doctors, including dentists
[] tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[] incurable diseases
[] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[] ghosts (they're normal, no need to be afraid)
[] poverty
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[] growing up
[] creepy noises in the night
[] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[] needles
[] blood
[] dinosaurs
[] the welcome mat
[] high speed
[] throwing up
[] falling in love
[] super secrets-cos
If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm afraid of _ out of 72 common fears"
If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.
-------
I get 6. Just to double check I went through it again. I am only afraid of 6 of those so I suppose that means I am supposed to be fearless???
But really.... ghosts...Friday the 13th....odd numbers..... I don't see why I would ever be afraid of numbers/things that don't exist....
Okay, so I'm fearless. That I will be sure to spread around! lol!
I'm afraid of...
[] the dark (after a really scary film when no one else is home and a rapist was reported having attacked somebody that morning about 5 kilometers from my house, real situation)
[] staying single forever
[] being a parent
[] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others.
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] dogs
[] birds
[] fish
[] spiders
[] flowers or other plants
[] being touched
[x] fire
[] deep water
[] snakes
[] silk
[] the ocean
[x] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[] rats (I have them as pets!)
[x] jumping from high places
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] crossing hanging bridges
[] death
[] heaven
[] being robbed
[x] falling
[] clowns
[] dolls
[] large crowds of people
[] men
[] women
[] having great responsibilities
[] doctors, including dentists
[] tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[] incurable diseases
[] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[] ghosts (they're normal, no need to be afraid)
[] poverty
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[] growing up
[] creepy noises in the night
[] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[] needles
[] blood
[] dinosaurs
[] the welcome mat
[] high speed
[] throwing up
[] falling in love
[] super secrets-cos
If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm afraid of _ out of 72 common fears"
If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.
-------
I get 6. Just to double check I went through it again. I am only afraid of 6 of those so I suppose that means I am supposed to be fearless???
But really.... ghosts...Friday the 13th....odd numbers..... I don't see why I would ever be afraid of numbers/things that don't exist....
Okay, so I'm fearless. That I will be sure to spread around! lol!
Do your eyes match your personality?
Do Your Eyes Match Your Personality?
Find Your Eye Color and See if it Matches Your Personality!
---
If You Have Blue Eyes:
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. Your are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. Sometimes their closest friends are the people they don't talk to as much. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love only that one girl/guy. You can be a straight up warrior when necessary. They like books and are very kind to others. They have many friends. Many people find you extremely attractive. There is probably someone out there that really likes you. You need to find that person and give them a chance.
If You Have Dark Brown/Black eyes:
You are secretive and like books. You have many friends and are kind to them. You sometimes have a strong temper and sometimes get on people's nerves. You do not like being embarrassed and get mad when you think people may do something to bother you. You do not take well to teasing. You do not talk much unless you are talking about something you love. You are good at defending your self. You like romance and mystery books. You only love one person at a time. You feel strongly about your beliefs and will defend them if someone says you are wrong. You can be bossy and prefer to be in charge. Your kind hearted but must take more time to walk in people's shoes.
If you have hazel eyes:
You are kind and helpful. You are silly and fun and have a bright personality. You find blue eyed people attractive. Once you have a crush it stays with you. You are shy around that special someone but very social with other people. You would like for that special someone to make the first move. You don't like going first. You don't like going last either. You like being in the middle. You are a fast runner and very likeable. You adore animals. You like the computer more than TV. You enjoy romance and comedy movies. Your a nice person and get along well with others. You need to try to do one thing a day that scares you so you can build more self-esteem.
If you have green eyes:
Your very out there and fun. You like trying new things. Your outgoing and smart. You like a challenge and like adventure. You like watching action movies but can still be romantic. You like animals but prefer humans. You get along with some people although you dislike a few people that do not share your likes or dislikes. You have many friends. Your smart but do not always know that you are. You are very challenging and hate losing. You have a lot to discover in yourself.
If you have brownish eyes:
Your kind, funny, intelligent and you have a warm heart. You like animals. You are caring and thoughtful. You have almost no temper and can keep others under control. You are not bossy but like to be in control. You are attractive to many people and are girlfriend/boyfriend material. You have a similar personality to the blue eyed people. Your the opposite of black eyed people. You like to get to the point. Contrary to this you are smart, stylish and are a very visual person.
~Original posted by Gossip Girl.
Find Your Eye Color and See if it Matches Your Personality!
---
If You Have Blue Eyes:
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. Your are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. Sometimes their closest friends are the people they don't talk to as much. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love only that one girl/guy. You can be a straight up warrior when necessary. They like books and are very kind to others. They have many friends. Many people find you extremely attractive. There is probably someone out there that really likes you. You need to find that person and give them a chance.
If You Have Dark Brown/Black eyes:
You are secretive and like books. You have many friends and are kind to them. You sometimes have a strong temper and sometimes get on people's nerves. You do not like being embarrassed and get mad when you think people may do something to bother you. You do not take well to teasing. You do not talk much unless you are talking about something you love. You are good at defending your self. You like romance and mystery books. You only love one person at a time. You feel strongly about your beliefs and will defend them if someone says you are wrong. You can be bossy and prefer to be in charge. Your kind hearted but must take more time to walk in people's shoes.
If you have hazel eyes:
You are kind and helpful. You are silly and fun and have a bright personality. You find blue eyed people attractive. Once you have a crush it stays with you. You are shy around that special someone but very social with other people. You would like for that special someone to make the first move. You don't like going first. You don't like going last either. You like being in the middle. You are a fast runner and very likeable. You adore animals. You like the computer more than TV. You enjoy romance and comedy movies. Your a nice person and get along well with others. You need to try to do one thing a day that scares you so you can build more self-esteem.
If you have green eyes:
Your very out there and fun. You like trying new things. Your outgoing and smart. You like a challenge and like adventure. You like watching action movies but can still be romantic. You like animals but prefer humans. You get along with some people although you dislike a few people that do not share your likes or dislikes. You have many friends. Your smart but do not always know that you are. You are very challenging and hate losing. You have a lot to discover in yourself.
If you have brownish eyes:
Your kind, funny, intelligent and you have a warm heart. You like animals. You are caring and thoughtful. You have almost no temper and can keep others under control. You are not bossy but like to be in control. You are attractive to many people and are girlfriend/boyfriend material. You have a similar personality to the blue eyed people. Your the opposite of black eyed people. You like to get to the point. Contrary to this you are smart, stylish and are a very visual person.
~Original posted by Gossip Girl.
Excerpts from a dog's, and a cat's, daily diary:
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am ..... Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am ..... A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am ..... A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am ..... Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm ..... Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm ..... Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm ..... Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm ..... Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm ..... Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm ..... Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disguest them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped it's headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending commnets about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today, I was almost sucessful in an attempt to assassinated one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners are flunkies or snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obvisouly retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certian that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...
..... for now.
8:00 am ..... Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am ..... A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am ..... A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am ..... Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm ..... Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm ..... Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm ..... Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm ..... Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm ..... Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm ..... Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disguest them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped it's headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending commnets about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today, I was almost sucessful in an attempt to assassinated one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners are flunkies or snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obvisouly retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certian that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...
..... for now.
Bad Writing At Its Best:
Bad writing at its best. Who says students can no longer write?
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
4. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
5. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
7. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
8. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
9. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
10. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
11. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
12. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
13. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
15. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
16. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
19. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!"
20. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
21. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
22. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
24. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
25. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
26. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
27. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
28. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
29. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
30. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
31. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
32. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
33. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.
34. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
35. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
36. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
37. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
38. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Annoy Your Teacher
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! STALKER! STALKER!
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is mispelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “the queen is never late, everyone else is simply early”.
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 7 year old kid and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewellery. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am an idiot’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T SNOG YOU!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger everyday. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down a go " OOOHH I KNOW THIS"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, " I forgot"
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favourite song.
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! STALKER! STALKER!
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree" after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is mispelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “the queen is never late, everyone else is simply early”.
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 7 year old kid and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewellery. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am an idiot’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T SNOG YOU!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger everyday. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down a go " OOOHH I KNOW THIS"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, " I forgot"
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favourite song.
Repost THIS if....
Re-post this if
-you hear your name even if its not being called
-you hate hearing your voice in recordings.
-you use the word "thingy" when you can't remember what something is called.
-you say the entire alphabet because you can't remember what letter comes next.
-you and your best friend can say one word, and crack up.
-you hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other.
-you hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don't.
-you hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway.
-you feel like if you turn off the lights, you will be safe from anything
-you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks.
-you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice
-you hate it when you slap the little rainbow prism thingies on the carpet and it goes onto your hand
-all those times you watched Blues Clues and you never realized that Blue is a GIRL
-you hate waking up from a good dream and it won't come back
-your fridge has nothing to eat in it, even when it's packed with food
-you stop the microwave when it gets to 0:00 to avoid hearing all the loud BEEPs
-you hate it when you think of a good comeback after the argument is over
-when someone tells you, "Don't look now," you always look anyways
-you never lose anything, you just haven't found it yet
-you hear your name even if its not being called
-you hate hearing your voice in recordings.
-you use the word "thingy" when you can't remember what something is called.
-you say the entire alphabet because you can't remember what letter comes next.
-you and your best friend can say one word, and crack up.
-you hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other.
-you hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don't.
-you hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway.
-you feel like if you turn off the lights, you will be safe from anything
-you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks.
-you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice
-you hate it when you slap the little rainbow prism thingies on the carpet and it goes onto your hand
-all those times you watched Blues Clues and you never realized that Blue is a GIRL
-you hate waking up from a good dream and it won't come back
-your fridge has nothing to eat in it, even when it's packed with food
-you stop the microwave when it gets to 0:00 to avoid hearing all the loud BEEPs
-you hate it when you think of a good comeback after the argument is over
-when someone tells you, "Don't look now," you always look anyways
-you never lose anything, you just haven't found it yet
Ways to annoy people:
Ways to annoy people!
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
PART TWO
Feel free to tell me more or talk about one you've done
Happy annoying
Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
Pretend you have gone comopletely deaf.
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't recieved enough chocolate sprinkles.
At school, stick "presents" in people's backpacks or purses, such as mud, rocks, sticks, and leaves.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
PART TWO
Feel free to tell me more or talk about one you've done
Happy annoying
Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
Pretend you have gone comopletely deaf.
Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't recieved enough chocolate sprinkles.
At school, stick "presents" in people's backpacks or purses, such as mud, rocks, sticks, and leaves.
Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
49 Ways To Annoy Your Teacher:
49 ways to annoy your teacher
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr. /Mrs. (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
16. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
17. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree" after everything your teacher says
18. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
19. Speak in French.
20. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
21. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
22. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
23. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
24. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
25. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “the queen is never late, everyone else is simply early”.
26. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
27. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
28. Tell yourself knock knock jokes, then laugh loads.
29. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
30. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a year 7 and say he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelry. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am an idiot’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T SNOG YOU!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down a go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS"
49. When a teacher calls on you, say, "I forgot"
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr. /Mrs. (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
16. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
17. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree" after everything your teacher says
18. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
19. Speak in French.
20. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
21. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
22. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
23. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
24. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
25. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “the queen is never late, everyone else is simply early”.
26. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
27. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
28. Tell yourself knock knock jokes, then laugh loads.
29. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
30. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a year 7 and say he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelry. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am an idiot’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T SNOG YOU!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down a go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS"
49. When a teacher calls on you, say, "I forgot"
The Airplane Joke
Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane. The richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive. The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him. The pilot says to the teenager "There's only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be necessary," said the teenager, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack".
Annoy People In An Elevator:
Ok first i want to say, ya know how 13 is an "unlucky" number? well, there are 13 ways to annoy people......
1) Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
2) Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
3) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
4) Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
5) Hum the theme to Jeopardy.
6) Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
7) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
8) Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
9) Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
10) Stare at another passenger for a while, then scream “You’re one of THEM!” and cower to the far corner of the elevator.
11) When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming,"let me out!"
12) When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
13)When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay! Don’t panic, they’ll open again!
1) Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
2) Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
3) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
4) Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
5) Hum the theme to Jeopardy.
6) Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
7) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
8) Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
9) Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
10) Stare at another passenger for a while, then scream “You’re one of THEM!” and cower to the far corner of the elevator.
11) When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming,"let me out!"
12) When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
13)When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay! Don’t panic, they’ll open again!
Are You Immature?
[ ] You have eaten fish food.
[ ] You have eaten dog food.
[ ] You have eaten cat food.
[ ] You have run into a glass door.
[ ] You have eaten an ant.
[ ] You have eaten grass.
[ ] You have licked a tree. (on a dare)
[ ] You have polka dotted underwear.
[ ] You have pink underwear.
[ ] You had contests with your friends to see who can create the nastiest burp.
[ ] You have screamed a random word in public.
[ ] You wave at people you don't know. (how is this immature?)
[ ] You have flushed the toilet because you were bored.
[ ] You have slapped yourself out of boredom.
[ ] You sing the "FUN" song.
[ ] You hold conversations with a pillow, blanket, stuffed animal etc. (used to, haha)
[ ] You dream of llamas coming out of peoples' butts.
[ ] You think people who eat brains are cool.
[ ] You sing karaoke even though you know you're horrible. (I'm not horrible, exactly, but I do sing it...)
[ ] You know how to spell "supercallafragalisticespialadosious" by heart.
[ ] You make up your own words and use them with people who have no clue what they mean.
[ ] You have had your hair change a different colour.
[ ] You have fluffy socks and you have wore them so people can see them.
[ ] You have hugged a random person.
[ ] You have ran up+down the stairs cause you were bored. (all the time!)
[ ] You have created a puppet show with your socks out of boredom.
[ ] You have imagined people saying "bla" and blowing up.
[ ] You just tried imagining people saying "bla" and blowing up.
[ ] You are addicted to the Anamaniacs theme song.
[ ] You are addicted to "The Pinky and the Brain" theme song.
[ ] You have stared at your ceiling for over 10 minutes.
[ ] You talk to yourself.
[ ] You have conversations with your imaginary friends.
take your total and multiply by 3
[ ] You have eaten dog food.
[ ] You have eaten cat food.
[ ] You have run into a glass door.
[ ] You have eaten an ant.
[ ] You have eaten grass.
[ ] You have licked a tree. (on a dare)
[ ] You have polka dotted underwear.
[ ] You have pink underwear.
[ ] You had contests with your friends to see who can create the nastiest burp.
[ ] You have screamed a random word in public.
[ ] You wave at people you don't know. (how is this immature?)
[ ] You have flushed the toilet because you were bored.
[ ] You have slapped yourself out of boredom.
[ ] You sing the "FUN" song.
[ ] You hold conversations with a pillow, blanket, stuffed animal etc. (used to, haha)
[ ] You dream of llamas coming out of peoples' butts.
[ ] You think people who eat brains are cool.
[ ] You sing karaoke even though you know you're horrible. (I'm not horrible, exactly, but I do sing it...)
[ ] You know how to spell "supercallafragalisticespialadosious" by heart.
[ ] You make up your own words and use them with people who have no clue what they mean.
[ ] You have had your hair change a different colour.
[ ] You have fluffy socks and you have wore them so people can see them.
[ ] You have hugged a random person.
[ ] You have ran up+down the stairs cause you were bored. (all the time!)
[ ] You have created a puppet show with your socks out of boredom.
[ ] You have imagined people saying "bla" and blowing up.
[ ] You just tried imagining people saying "bla" and blowing up.
[ ] You are addicted to the Anamaniacs theme song.
[ ] You are addicted to "The Pinky and the Brain" theme song.
[ ] You have stared at your ceiling for over 10 minutes.
[ ] You talk to yourself.
[ ] You have conversations with your imaginary friends.
take your total and multiply by 3
(Put this in your forum and title it *DO NOT CLICK THIS!!!*)
Oh! You clicked it!
Why on earth would you do that?
You just go around clicking things people tell you not to click?
Oh. That's wrong.
As your punishment......
I'm going make you count to 100 with me!
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
12
13
14
15
16
17
Alright.... So maybe not.....
That would take forever!
But I bet you didn't even notice that I skipped 11!
And now you're questioning yourself!
NO!! DON'T GO BACK AND LOOK!!
-__- You went back didn't you?
I knew you would.
*sigh* What am I going to do with you?
Oh! I know!
"Silent Treatment!"
Ha ha! ;-)
That felt good.
I bet you were like, "Aw...."
What? No! I don't read minds.
But I know what you're thinking.
"This is so cool! And so funny! I'm so gonna comment!"
Oh yes. You should totally comment.
Why on earth would you do that?
You just go around clicking things people tell you not to click?
Oh. That's wrong.
As your punishment......
I'm going make you count to 100 with me!
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
12
13
14
15
16
17
Alright.... So maybe not.....
That would take forever!
But I bet you didn't even notice that I skipped 11!
And now you're questioning yourself!
NO!! DON'T GO BACK AND LOOK!!
-__- You went back didn't you?
I knew you would.
*sigh* What am I going to do with you?
Oh! I know!
"Silent Treatment!"
Ha ha! ;-)
That felt good.
I bet you were like, "Aw...."
What? No! I don't read minds.
But I know what you're thinking.
"This is so cool! And so funny! I'm so gonna comment!"
Oh yes. You should totally comment.
10 FACTS ABOUT YOU:
10 Facts about you!
1) You're reading this!
2) You're realizing this is a stupid fact
4) You didn't notice I skipped three.
5) You're checking now
6) You're laughing / smiling
7) You're still reading this even though its stupid
9) You didn't realize I skipped eight
10) You're checking again
11) You're loving this
12) You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts.
1) You're reading this!
2) You're realizing this is a stupid fact
4) You didn't notice I skipped three.
5) You're checking now
6) You're laughing / smiling
7) You're still reading this even though its stupid
9) You didn't realize I skipped eight
10) You're checking again
11) You're loving this
12) You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts.
This is a cat
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is an cat
this is idiot cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
now read the 3rd word of every line.. its hilarious!!!
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is an cat
this is idiot cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
now read the 3rd word of every line.. its hilarious!!!
The City Man and The Country Man
There was a guy out in Arizona, out in the hot sun with his herd. He hadn't been out for an hour before a city man came driving up in his Ferrari and got out. The guy from the city looked around and said, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly how many cows are in this herd, would you give me one?" The Arizonan guy looked back at his herd. It's pretty darn big, and he figured that no one could count exactly how large it was, so he agreed. The city man pulls out a laptop and contacts the GPS, which does a scan of the herd from the air. Then he sent the scan to a processing company and, in a matter of a few seconds, got his answer. "There are 1,835 cows in your herd," he said, and started trying to pull a calf into the trunk of his car. The Arizonan guy stopped him and grinned broadly. "If your brain functioned without all those newfangled electronics, you would've figured out by now that this here is a herd of sheep, not cows. Now give me back my dog."
The Blind Horse, Buddy
This is a joke I read from Reader's Digest.
A guy drives his car into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Cocoa, pull!"
Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!", and the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name.
"Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
A guy drives his car into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"
Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Cocoa, pull!"
Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!", and the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name.
"Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
My name is nobody
My name is nobody,
nobody is perfect
So I am perfect!
nobody is perfect
So I am perfect!
Maintain a level of insanity
SOME WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
6. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat--with a serious face.
7. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9 don t use any punctuation
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party 'cause you're not in the mood.
14. Have your friends address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!".
16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
5. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
6. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat--with a serious face.
7. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9 don t use any punctuation
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party 'cause you're not in the mood.
14. Have your friends address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!".
16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
Funny "My Interests" For Your Page in an About Me section:
I like to skate on the other side of the ice ... I like to reminisce with people I don't know ... I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit ... I like to go out at night and paint passing lines on curved roads.... And when I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
A Bucket List:
Wear a shirt that says "Life" and hand out lemons.
Hire two private detectives and have them follow each other around all day.
Go into a crowded elevator and say "So, I'll bet you're all wondering why I have gathered you all here today...." with a straight face.
Run into a store and SCREAM "What year is it?!?" When somebody answers exclaim, "IT WORKED!" And run out cheering.
Make vanilla pudding, put it an a labeled Mayonnaise jar and eat it in public.
Put blue Gatorade, colored water, or juice of some kind in a CLEAN Klorox bottle and drink it in public.
Put green colored juice or water in a Mr. Clean bottle and drink it in public.
Follow joggers around in a car blasting "The eye of the tiger" for encouragement.
Hire two private detectives and have them follow each other around all day.
Go into a crowded elevator and say "So, I'll bet you're all wondering why I have gathered you all here today...." with a straight face.
Run into a store and SCREAM "What year is it?!?" When somebody answers exclaim, "IT WORKED!" And run out cheering.
Make vanilla pudding, put it an a labeled Mayonnaise jar and eat it in public.
Put blue Gatorade, colored water, or juice of some kind in a CLEAN Klorox bottle and drink it in public.
Put green colored juice or water in a Mr. Clean bottle and drink it in public.
Follow joggers around in a car blasting "The eye of the tiger" for encouragement.
Funny Packaging....
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).
On a bag of Fritos! ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (really!?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On a Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (a little late, huh!?)
On Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought...?)
On packaging for an iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On a Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because...?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I got nothin' for this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
On a child's play phone: "Will not work when plugged in." (Thank you for letting me know that- I was afraid my three year old was going to make a long distance phone call to Tokyo.)
On an apparatus used to hang up shovels, brooms, and other such things in a garage with a picture showing how it works: "Tools in picture not included in box" (ah, come on, I really wanted that pretty shovel)
On a bag of Fritos! ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (really!?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On a Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (a little late, huh!?)
On Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought...?)
On packaging for an iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On a Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because...?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I got nothin' for this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
On a child's play phone: "Will not work when plugged in." (Thank you for letting me know that- I was afraid my three year old was going to make a long distance phone call to Tokyo.)
On an apparatus used to hang up shovels, brooms, and other such things in a garage with a picture showing how it works: "Tools in picture not included in box" (ah, come on, I really wanted that pretty shovel)
15 ways to get kicked out of Walmart:
15 ways 2 get kicked out of Wal-Mart
This would be SO fun to do!
1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf
2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.
3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price
4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"
5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"
6-start a fish stick fight
7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"
8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"
9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do
10-Start laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor
11-attempt to fly off a high shelf
12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store
13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line
14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section
15-Pass this on to make some one smile
This would be SO fun to do!
1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf
2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.
3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price
4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"
5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"
6-start a fish stick fight
7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"
8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"
9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do
10-Start laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor
11-attempt to fly off a high shelf
12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store
13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line
14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section
15-Pass this on to make some one smile
Best Buy's perfect match
Best Buy advertises having a perfect match pricing option.
Definition: You tell them how much money you have, and they tell you what the price is.
Definition: You tell them how much money you have, and they tell you what the price is.
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